My Editorials

Joshua Dearden

All I've ever known about relationships is what I've seen in the movies. As sad as it is, I know the movies are fake and that life just doesn't happen that easy. In the movies they send the message that if you treat a girl with respect then your chances of getting a girlfriend improve. Well, that's all I've ever done. I know that when I see a girl I like and want to approach her, the only approach I have is "Hi, how are you? My name is Joshua. What's yours?"  And, surprisingly enough this never works. As for the respectful gesture of opening doors and being genuine, that day is over.  Nowadays the "nice guy" has no place in today's relationships. I'm what I like to describe myself as funny but strange in my own way. The only way I know how to be is a "nice guy." As I've learned, I can't live my life a ccording to the movies. In movies, life seems to flow differently. I've noticed that in the movies women always seem to be looking for love and/or commitment. However, here in the real world, women are not looking for love on every corner. The women of today aren't looking for commitments, nor are they looking for exclusive relationships. All I know is when I find a girl that starts out treating me good it makes me feel important.  And, when she always wants me around it gives me an idea that maybe I really am attractive. So, when I get the impression that it's time to make the relationship more serious, I end up being disappointed.  For most of my life I have been treated poorly by everyone I've met, especially girls. So, when I find a girl who shows interest, I automatically feel special. And, honestly girls are impossible to read. Knowing this shows me that I fall too easily for girls who are interested in me. Of course, I realize that my emotions get the best of me, but it's hard to do better when the world seems to disown me. I seem to get so emotionally attached because I'm afraid of losing what I've waited so long to have: Someone that cares for me!  It really depresses me to see that every girl I've ever known has walked right pass me onto the next guy, it's like I'm invisible.  It doesn't matter if the girl is a friend or someone I'm attracted to, I still get laughed at or a dirty look. And, talking to them is even worse. Like when I go to introduce myself, "Umm … OK?" is the most popular words that always seem to come out of their mouths. I don't know how to come across as someone worth their time when they show me I'm not worth theirs.  I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of watching all my friends and everyone around me building relationships when I have to hunt for them. I'm just now making lasting relationships with good people; I'd like to do the same with a girl who cares for me.
I mean it's kind of like Nicole, Kristen, Sydney, Celia and Allie, these girls don't know what their friendships means to me. I don't think it ever hit their minds that I've never had the opportunity to hang out with girls like I have with them. I don't think they understand what that does for me.  Just by allowing me to have their attention long enough for me to say what I have to say without saying the words, "Would you shut up?" has made me a better person. And, I know that I talk too much.
I see life as never complete without the people that make you feel welcomed and wanted/needed. So, it's a mystery to me why girls prefer the bad boy over the nice guy. Especially since those relationships leave girls with an even worse attitude toward guys. It's because of guys like that, that make it hard for guys like me to keep a girlfriend.  What's worse is the nice guys are being a shoulder for these girls to cry on when the bad boy cheats or lies to them and the girls always end up going right back to them. When will these girls see that the bad boys that treat them like crap aren't there for them? Girls: Of course those bad boys will be sneaky about how they show they want down your pants.  But for now the bad boys are reigning supreme in the matters of getting a girlfriend. All I've ever wanted is a girlfriend that's in the relationship for me. I want a girl that knows what a relationship is, and knows the boundaries they come with. No guy will ever have the right to over-power or try to control the girl, but, every girl needs to really rethink what she wants out of a relationship. And if a commitment is asking too much of them, then they really need to realize a relationship comes with certain boundaries that cannot be overstepped. Let the nice guys have a chance. Our day will once again return.

Issue date: 4/22/09 Section: Opinion

 

Joshua L. Dearden

When something happens that you just can't explain why it is going on, you find yourself asking, "Where did I go wrong?" It happens in the blink of an eye. One minute you are happy, everything is going just right and then, next thing you know, everything has been flipped upside down.
Everything happens for a reason, but what is the reason? Everyone has their strange days and times where they try to get through each day without feeling terrible because of what happens in their life. Life has its ups and downs. Now, the truth is there are people that come into your life and show you that you are a great person and you shouldn't put yourself down.
Believing in yourself is something you have to learn over time. Because when you get to your peak and you are the happiest you have been in a long time, there are people that will tear you down, and by not believing in yourself, it will be easy for others to do just that. But, if you are strong and you do believe in yourself then it won't be so easy for those people to bring you down.
But what do you do when you start losing your best friend(s)? How do you go back to being happy? When your best friend(s) start treating you as less than important, you go back to asking, "What did I do wrong; why and how did this happen?"
When did people start deciding that if you make a single mistake, or say something wrong, we are no longer friends? As if, when you make a mistake it's like you have crossed a boundary that cannot be erased. What do you do when you know you are clumsy and know that you make mistakes? How do you give yourself the leeway to make a mistake and be able to fix it?
It comes to the point where you have to just have faith in the people you care about. You have to be willing to respect their needs, and if they need you to leave them alone, well then that's what you have to do. And in doing so, it helps them sort through their own issues. Yes, it is the respectable thing to do, to give them space, and you may be confused. But, because there are two people in the situation it's easier for the one that's angry to crave the space, while the one that's confused is very puzzled as to why it's going on. If they in no way come back and talk to you, then you just have to accept their wishes and leave them alone.
It definitely will hurt trust me, I know this. But, having reverence for someone means you have to be willing to let them go no matter how much it hurts. Giving yourself space allows you to also sort through your issues. It helps you to try and understand why things are happening, and allows you to ask your friends' advice as well ask them for help through this tough time. Although, in my opinion, space is not always the best idea but it does seem to help in most situations.
Is it possible to mend broken friendships/relationships? Well, that's a question I cannot answer for you. I have come to an understanding that it has to do with how good you are with people. But, most importantly to live life one day at a time is the only way you can learn to find your place in this world. If circumstances change, and things start looking up or down, you just have to know how to handle the changes, good or bad. You can't let the good get you so hyped up that you are not thinking clearly enough to be to see when thing(s) go wrong.
All you can do even if you don't know what you have done wrong, is have the ability to leave things as they are. And just have faith in knowing that if it's meant to be things will work out.